A decade of not being single

Mariam Sobh Hijab Fashion and Hijab Style Blog

Today and tomorrow marks my 10 year wedding anniversary. I’ve seen plenty of people on Facebook post their undying love and gratitude for their spouse and wish each other a “happy anniversary”, but I’m just not into that for myself.

It’s cute to see other people share their love. I’m just not a PDA type of person. In case you’re wondering PDA means “public display of affection”.

The thing is, I always thought when I got married I would be in such a fairytale that I would be holding my husband’s hand and kissing him… even in public without a care in the world. But, reality isn’t like that.

Sure, there are some major hormones in the beginning. When you’re getting to know the person you want to marry, you’ll probably be thinking some dirty thoughts and anticipating your wedding night. Let’s be honest here, we all have hormones that make us feel a certain way toward the person we’re attracted to!

I’m sure this might seem like a risquĂ© post, but I want to keep it real. Because that’s my anniversary present to you dear readers. 🙂

So, as I was saying… you feel like you’ll get married and you won’t be able to keep your hands off each other. But, with time and kids and life in general… things change. And you look back and wonder… wow when did we get so old?

Of course there are plenty of books and articles out there for how you can keep that “spark” going in your marriage. And that’s something that I would say most Muslim couples keep to themselves. Intimacy is a huge private topic and you should never give away personal details or pry into someone else’s.

But, that’s not where I’m going here. I’m talking about a spark that first got you interested in your spouse. Maybe it was the way they were dedicated to helping the less fortunate, or their sense of humor, or even the fact that they took you out on special dates.

That couple time can easily get taken away by … work, kids, friends, and favorite TV shows lol.

Growing older together and tackling on more responsibilities can lead you to forget how to have fun and relax without worrying whether your child is going to get into the right school, or if the baby should cry it out or sleep in your bed, or if you should go back to school or become a house wife … etc.

Those worries can eat away at you, and you can get so sidetracked that you forget how to just be…present.

Marriage is something that is not perfect, and if you go in thinking it will be, you’re in for a big surprise.

My advice to those of you who are single is to meet someone you want to marry with pure intentions.

Make sure you’re both on the same page.

Don’t have a super long engagement, because nothing good ever comes out of those.

When you meet someone and you know you’re ready to take the next step to marriage… do it! Don’t get wrapped up in fancy over the top weddings and materialistic things, because in the end you need to be able to live with real life and not the fantasy you created.

There are so many different types of marriages and no two people are the same. It’s about learning how to communicate with each other (super cliche I know!).

For some couples…one person might be really outgoing and want to go places all the time, while the other is more quiet and prefers to stay home. That can definitely seem like it won’t work, but it can. It’s called compromise and balance.

I think what I’ve learned over the last decade, is that it’s so easy to forget what it was like to be single. And that to me is the biggest reason why single folks have a hard time getting married. Because if a friend of mine is looking or asking me to find her someone, I forget that sense of urgency that is there… that they’re looking for a companion, a friend, and a lover. And sometimes a single person really wants that so badly in their life, that they feel miserable.

My goal as I celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary is to remember to help my single friends find the love and companionship they’re looking for and to also take some time out to spend with my husband away from the chaos of our life. Perhaps I’ll take him on a surprise getaway this weekend and hopefully we’ll come back better parents, better spouses and better members of society.