Behind the screen: the guilt that just wont go

Behind the Screen

Do you ever feel like you’re being pulled in a zillion directions but you don’t know which way to go first?

That’s how I’ve been feeling lately.

Each night as I try to lay down and fall asleep my mind is racing. (It doesn’t help to have a phone that allows me to check emails and my social media accounts like facebook and twitter).

I feel that I’m always “on” never taking a rest. I have to check in with everyone and everything at all time. I don’t want to miss a moment. But could this be what’s causing me to feel sleep deprived?

First, I have my family to take care of and there is always something going on. Sometimes the baby is crying because she’s hungry and I have to drop everything and tend to her, then sometimes it’s my toddler asking so sweetly, “Please mama can you play with me?” How can I resist her request? And my husband (who is ever so patient) only asks if there is something I need him to do. Really? I should be taking care of you! He’s been so patient since the day we got married that I feel guilty because I can no way measure up to him.

And I’ve realized that is what I carry with me each night.

Guilt.

I feel guilty that I might not have done enough in my day to please the people around me.

First I feel guilty about my kids and my husband. Did I spend enough time with them? Did I make them happy? Should I have skipped that phone call with my friend so I could give them more attention?

Then there is the guilt I feel about work. Should I have put more effort into that newscast? Did I really voice it with the best authority possible?

And of course there is the guilt about Hijabtrendz. Did I put enough information out there for my readers? Have they enjoyed my posts today or did I let them down?

The guilt will probably always be there because I’m a worry wart. As my husband says “You always seem to find the downside in everything.” I don’t try to be like that on purpose, but there is just something in me that wants everyone else around me to be happy, fed, entertained, and basically taken care of.

I know deep down I need to take time for myself and smell the roses or I’m going to crash and burn. The lack of sleep is creeping up on me and I’m finding that I have a hard time focusing on conversations and tasks. I’m not sure how to make the proper balance, but I’m hoping to do something sooner rather than later.

Have you ever felt like your life is spinning out of control? How do you keep yourself centered?

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