Jul 282009
 

Behind the Screen

You never know what’s going to happen to you 10 minutes or 10 days from now and you can’t always be prepared.

My problem is that I’m a last minute type of person, but at the same time I like to know things head of time. It’s kind of hard to explain.

But it’s like this. If I can plan out my future, I would love it. There would be no stress and I could say for sure how I would get from point A to point B.

At the same time, I like to be spontaneous. It’s fun to jump up and say “Let’s go take a road trip!” And just go with the flow.

Lately there have been some things in my life that are unpredictable. I’m not sure where I’ll be living a month from now, whether I’ll be moving or staying in the big city, whether I’ll stay in the U.S. or move abroad.

And if I move, will I find a place that I like? Where will I deliver the new baby?

It’s been hard and I’ve been staying up late at night pondering these things. But I know in the end I should leave it up to God and let it go.

It’s just hard, really hard.

It’s so easy to talk about how people should deal with the unknown and it’s so easy give others advice when they’re in a tough situation, but it’s so much harder when you’re actually experiencing it.

Part of it may be the pregnancy hormones. One second I’m elated at the thought of an adventure and the next I’m bawling my eyes out because I can’t bear to change my life for something I’ve yet to experience.

I know this sounds a little vague but it’s because everything is very unexplainable at this point. I wish I knew more about what is going to happen! :)

One thing I have learned though, is that tough times can make or break you. Some people have relationships that are destroyed and others have relationships that thrive.

Thankfully I feel stronger and closer to my family. It has made me more appreciative of the people I have in my life and I realize that no matter what happens, if you are surrounded by good and positive people, you will make it through anything.

Have you ever had to get through a difficult time in your life? How did you deal with it?

  6 Responses to “Dealing with the surprises in life”

  1. As Salaamu ‘Alaykum,

    Exactly a year ago I was faced with similar dilemma. I was 7.5 months pregnant, had to leave my job and move from the City to a small town, far away from my comfort zone, friends and family. In the beginning I was very worried about how things would pan out , but the support and love my family showed me was unprecedented.

    I had planned how I would have my baby at a birthing center with Muslima doulahs and what not, and then all my lofty plans came to a crashing halt.

    Worry and fear can be very paralizing, so I decided to try something better–prayer. I made du’a to Allah to remove my sorrow and bring joy to my heart, I asked Him to provide for me, my husband and my unborn child, I asked Him to make the people in our new community to love us and us to love them in return, I asked Him to provide help and support for us every step of the way. And you know what? He did!

    The community here has been of tremendous help and support. I know how you feel, especially if you are used to being in control of the things happening around you and now all of a sudden, you’re faced with so much uncertainty.

    Just keep repeating, hasbunallah wa ni’mal wakeel (Allah is sufficient for me)!

    I’ll make du’a that all goes well for you insha Allah.

  2. Some years ago, my doctor here in Poland informed me that I had breast cancer and that I had at most 2-3 weeks to get to the States for treatment. Six months previously, there had been absolutely no sign of anything wrong – not on ultrasound, nowhere. Anyway, I arrived in the States on the evening of 9/10/2001.

    My mother woke me up the next morning with the information that the World Trade Center had just collapsed. Cell phone networks were out. I thought of my customers, managed to get online, but it turned out they already knew. I opened my Inbox to find anxious e-mails fired off the minute they heard, inquiring about my welfare.

    One customer worked for a radio station and put up a web page where people could write condolences to be handed to the American consul. Over 250 000 people wrote in. It still brings tears to my eyes to think of how supportive the Polish people were in our moment of need.

    But I digress. The next day, I had an appointment with my surgeon. We agreed I would have an operation in two weeks’ time. And then all hell broke loose. During those two weeks, I had a new lump in my lymph nodes – in other words, local metastasis – every two days or so. And all I could do was wait for my surgery.

    And to make it even more fun, it took at least a month for the surgical wound to heal enough to remove the drain so I could begin chemo. There was a very real risk they wouldn’t be able to catch the disease before it progressed beyond my lymph nodes and became incurable.

    What I did was tell myself that I am doing what I can to preserve my health, but there are things that are not under my control, that are exclusively ‘God’s department’, and that He is taking care of them.

    And He did take the matter in hand – and Alhamdulillah during that time I slept the best I ever have in my entire life. I felt like I had angels surrounding me and watching over me as I went to sleep.

    And God decreed to that cancer, ‘This far you shall go and no further.’ In the end, we did manage to catch the disease in time, and I am still around to talk about it.

    Had I gotten sick 10 years before, I would have been told never to have kids, because I would almost certainly not live long enough to raise them to adulthood – nearly all of the local lymph nodes had become cancerous by the time I had my surgery.

    But in the previous perhaps 5 years, God had permitted medicine to progress enough to give some hope of curing even a cancer as aggressive as mine, so that right after my surgery, I apparently had a 50% chance of making it to 10 years out without incident.

    And now it’s been 8 years. Every year when I go back to see my doctors, they are happier and happier. I guess this is the kind of case that reminds the doctors that what they are doing, the effort they put into saving lives, is really worthwhile.

    And it reminds me that there really is a God in heaven who has authority over the affairs of this world, and in Whom is peace, if we but refrain from worrying about things that are not ours to worry about, occupying ourselves with things that are not ours to occupy ourselves with, and just let God be God in all things…

  3. Sometimes the biggest blessings are disguised in a way that we would never fathom. I saw a nice tweet the otehr day….A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.

  4. Masha-Allah, what beautiful inspiring stories! Thank you all for sharing it here. It bring tears to my eyes.

    Recently I got myself in one of those ‘undecided’ place too. I had carefully plan everything for the next 1 year of my life ( like you, I am also a bit of the planner, but with a need for constant spontaneity ;) ) – I was told that my plan might not happen.

    I became very sad and angry since I was so set on doing these things that I have always wanted to do, only to be told no at the last minute. It felt like the carpet being pulled off so quickly from underneath my feet.

    I did what the rest of commenters did too – I resort to prayer to Almighty. I prayed that if it’s meant to be, let Allah gave me what is the best for me. If it’s not meant to be, although I wanted it so bad in my heart – it will be ok, and I will put my trust in Him.

    Alhamdulillah, as it turns out, what I planned will come true insha-Allah and the next year of my life is going to be like what I planned it to be.

    I know I am being a bit vague here too, but maybe like you, I am uncomfortable to reveal too much until all is clear and confirmed. Besides, I have learnt my lesson not to speak too soon, and not to be to sure of things as indeed Allah is the one who has the last say.

    I pray that all will goes well with you and may you will always be blessed with things that are the best for you, Insha-Allah :)

  5. Thank you all for your kinds words and personal stories, it’s definitely an inspiration. You should all be proud of yourselves for overcoming the obstacles in your lives.

  6. I’m going through a period of ‘decisions’ right now in whether my family and I should move this summer or wait until next summer and it’s all been an up and down time for me. So many ifs, ands and buts. I was starting to become depressed until I realized that the best thing for me to do was to do nothing. I was over thinking every little detail and worrying about something that has not even happened yet! I had to stop trying to figure it all out and do what I know for sure needed to be done to be practical and let the rest go to prayer. We just can’t do it all sometimes. Maybe sometimes we are too in the thick of things that we can’t see above our heads and talking to someone the decision does not involve can be a lifesaver. A fresher perspective. I think we can make things harder than they really are. Prayer is the key that brings peace.

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